By Rori Raye
Have you ever experienced this? Things are going well with your guy. So well, as a matter of fact, that when you start feeling insecure about something or want to share something you think he’ll perceive as “negative,” you keep it inside. You’re afraid that by being honest with him, you’ll rock the boat.
Even worse, you end up feeling even more scared and lonely because he doesn’t seem to be sharing what he’s thinking with you, either. So you start pretending everything’s okay, even when you’re just dying to ask him if something’s wrong.
I know how confusing and frustrating this can be, because I used to feel that way all the time. I would tip-toe around the man in my life, thinking I had to just accept the times he would become distant with me.
Like you, I really believed that men just don’t like expressing their feelings. I thought they were just born that way and there was nothing I could do about it.
Then I had a big light-bulb moment when I learned that this is simply not true. What I figured out was that believing this myth was preventing me from ever truly connecting with a man.
Here’s the incredible secret I learned that turned my love life around and brought me the closeness with a man I had always hungered for.
A man doesn’t like emotional intensity or hidden tension. That kind of “drama” pushes a man away and makes him want to clam up and withdraw.
In order to feel comfortable, a man needs to know that he’s safe with you. He’ll feel safe when he sees that you are in touch with your feelings and able to express them in a clear, non-judgmental way.
Pretending to feel confident or stuffing down negative emotions in order to avoid conflict is absolutely the wrong approach. It will make a man feel uneasy around you because he’ll sense that you’re pretending. If he feels uneasy, he can’t be honest with you about what he’s feeling.
This is why trying to look confident when you aren’t doesn’t work. A man will sense you’re pretending, and it will push him away.
Instead, allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic. But how can you when you feel like a confused, angry pile of insecurities? This way…
The key here is to share feelings, not thoughts or actions. The next time you’re tempted to tell a man what to do or what you think, stop yourself.
Go with what’s going on inside you. Feel your heart beat, your stomach gurgle, and your chest tighten because you’re frustrated.
Feel yourself getting giddy or anxious because you don’t know what to say.
Feel the most concrete, real, simple thing you can, and communicate that. Say, “I’m really sad right now,” rather than “I think you spend too much time at work.”
See the difference? You’re simply expressing a feeling rather than asking him to fix it or making him feel like he caused you to feel awful.
In my eBook, I’ll take you by the hand and show you exactly how to frame your feelings so he won’t feel like you’re making him responsible for them.
I’ll show you how to say what you feel – simply, directly, passionately, and with energy and conviction. You’ll be amazed at how expressing your feelings this way will inspire your man to open up to you in ways you never imagined.
I’ll also teach you incredibly powerful relationship Tools – small shifts in you that make an enormous difference in the closeness of your relationship.
And STILL he tells us that he’s not sure how he feels. Or he becomes distant and moody. Or he stops calling or asking us out as often as he used to. Or he does something very hurtful, or cheats on us, or tells us that he doesn’t believe you’re “meant” to be together.
This happens because deep down, you didn’t trigger love in his HEART. You didn’t connect on the deepest, most intimate level… his feelings.
First, here’s what doesn’t connect with a man’s heart: When you tell a man about what you think about the relationship, or what you did that day, or what you think of the latest news you’ve read or the gossip at work, he listens. He participates in the conversation. But his feelings aren’t triggered.
That’s because you share everything but who you are. You put up walls with him without even knowing you’re doing it. You decide not to tell him the sorrow you felt that morning or how a friend made you happy by calling you and cheering you up.
Or, you actually don’t even pay attention to your own emotions. You’re too busy with your to-do lists and tasks.
But if you were to allow yourself to FEEL what you’re feeling, and then speak from those feelings, you would make him feel safe and connected to you.
It seems like such a simple thing. But for so many of us, it’s such a counter-intuitive thing. It’s difficult. We’re not used to being juicy, sexy, FEELING creatures. So many of us are programmed to be doing, thinking, managing, worrying creatures. Unfortunately, these qualities make a man feel nothing around you.
When you become a feminine, juicy, sensual FEELING creature, you magnetize him simply by being what you were always meant to be… an alluring woman who is soft on the outside, but strong and resilient on the inside.
How do you do that? It’s easy when you know exactly how to use your feelings and emotions to communicate the irresistible feminine quality that lures a man in. In my eBook, I teach you all about how to shift your vibe by changing your words and body language and attract a man’s heart, not just his body and mind.
To learn how to achieve the kind of closeness you’ve always wanted with a man, starting right now, download Have The Relationship You Want and try it free for 7 days. I know you’ll be referring to it time and again whenever you’re yearning for more closeness in your relationship: Have The Relationship You Want free trial.